A mathematical model for early retirement

Earlier I wrote about a mathematical model for beard growth and awesomeness. In that discussion I briefly described a similar model for net worth growth. It turns out, though, that your actual net worth number is not a particularly useful measure for determining when you can retire. If early retirement is your goal, the only thing you need to concern yourself about is your savings rate. In this post, I’ll describe why your savings rate is the most important measure and how you can use it to calculate how many years it will take you to retire. If you want to retire in the next 10 years, as Mrs. Beard and I have planned, then you’ll also learn how to determine what your savings rate needs to be. Continue reading “A mathematical model for early retirement”

A mathematical model for early retirement

A mathematical model for beard growth and awesomeness

It’s a general rule that the longer you grow your beard, the more awesome you become. Does beard growth really lead to increased awesomeness? As a scientist by training, it is my scientific duty to poke and prod at so-called “rules of thumb” to ascertain the true reality. Do beards really grow half an inch per month? Do you actually get more awesome? How much more awesome do you get? Today, I’m going to present to you a mathematical model for beard growth and its correlation with personal awesomeness. This is some pretty serious stuff. Furthermore, since this is Beards & Money, I’m going to show you the parallels to net-worth growth and feelings of awesomeness. Continue reading “A mathematical model for beard growth and awesomeness”

A mathematical model for beard growth and awesomeness

How to become a millionaire on a teacher’s salary in 10 years

The Glorious Beard family has a long-term goal of reaching a million dollar net worth within the next ten years. I’m going to be a millionaire on a teacher’s salary. If you are going to have such a big and crazy goal, then you really have to have one hell of a solid plan. How do you come up with a plan for something so ridiculous sounding? Your first step is to absolutely, positively, 100% believe in your mind that your crazy-ass goal is possible. If you start there, then your mind can start working on the problem in the background. Eventually, out pops a basic idea, and then you’re off to the races refining that idea until you have a plan to achieve your crazy goal.

My wife calls me “The Weasel” because of my incredible ability to “weasel” the things she and I want. As one example, she wanted to travel around Europe when we retired. I told her that idea was stupid, and that we needed to travel around Europe RIGHT NOW! So I put that goal in my mind without any idea how we would accomplish it. After a while, the idea formed, and then the plan, and then the execution of the plan, and now we are traveling around Europe for free and getting paid for the privilege.

The most recent goal I have been working on is the million dollar goal. How can we become millionaires by our mid-40s with a single teacher’s salary? I’m excited to tell you that we have a plan, and the math works. Continue reading “How to become a millionaire on a teacher’s salary in 10 years”

How to become a millionaire on a teacher’s salary in 10 years

Why I don’t have ads on my site, and why you probably shouldn’t, too

You may have noticed a certain minimalist vibe going on here at Beards and Money. White background, black and white, one column, basic and plain layout all the way. I surprisingly spent a lot of time searching for a WordPress template this minimalist. It was hard. You may also notice that I have no ads, not pop-ups, no annoying solicitations to invite you to join my email list, and basically no real selling of anything. This is on purpose. I have no plans to ever place ads on this site, and no immediate plans to monetize it in any way. If you are thinking about starting a blog, then I highly encourage it. But, you should probably forget about “monetizing” it for a long while, and don’t worry about making it look fancy. Let me tell you why.  Continue reading “Why I don’t have ads on my site, and why you probably shouldn’t, too”

Why I don’t have ads on my site, and why you probably shouldn’t, too

How to pay off $50,345 in student loans in under 2 years

You might want a glorious beard, but those pesky student loans have you so depressed that not a single hair will grow. I get it. There is a debt crisis about to blow up in this country, and it is chiefly because of student loans. More and more students are graduating and finding extreme difficulty getting a job in the field they studied. Now, they have to start paying back monster student loans that paid for a degree that, in most cases, wasn’t even necessary for the job they did manage to get.

I personally now have slightly less than $50,000 in outstanding student loan debt. Dude! I’m getting closer and closer to 40, and I still owe a pile of money the the U.S. Department of Education. What’s worse is I’ve only managed to pay off about $10,000 over the past ten years. That’s pretty depressing. I have been making the absolute bare minimum payments since I finished my many degrees, and the balance comes down VERY slowly. Today, I’m going to tell you about how I got that debt (short version: very stupidly) and what I plan to do about it. Through the power of beard magic, we’re going to slay that dragon in under 2 years. Continue reading “How to pay off $50,345 in student loans in under 2 years”

How to pay off $50,345 in student loans in under 2 years

The Beginning: Beard and Net Worth, Month 1

I have been inspired by J. Money at Budgets are Sexy to post my net worth for the whole world to see (which means the three other people who have ever read this blog up until now.) He has a great post detailing the rise in his net worth over the past 8 years. He’s tracked his net worth publicly every month since his very first post on the subject in 2008.

Now, since this is Beards and Money, I can’t stop at net worth. Gotta show you the beard, too. So in this post I’m going to lay everything out. What assets we have, what debt we’re carrying, and our net-worth goals. Then, I’ll show you the beard as it sits today. It’s a little frizzy right now from the cold, dry Prague air and a serious lack of conditioning from our inability to learn the Czech word for conditioner.

We’re starting from a pretty good place, with a much higher net worth than the average couple our age. That would be great, except for the fact that the average net worth of people our age is abysmal. So it’s a low bar. I’m also starting pretty far into beardom. I’ve had some form of beard or goatee for the past 20 years, but I have only recently started on the “yeard” journey. There is still much time to go.
Continue reading “The Beginning: Beard and Net Worth, Month 1”

The Beginning: Beard and Net Worth, Month 1

What do snake oil and beard oil have in common?

A wooden cart rolls into town, and a man with a very fancy hat and curly mustache hops out in the middle of the town square. He has a product you don’t want to miss. Do you suffer from aches and pains after a hard day of work? Back aches? Does your tooth hurt? Whatever your ailment, Doc Serpent’s Patented All-Relief Ointment will alleviate your pain and cure your headaches. It’s a special formula discovered by an ancient Shaman made from Cerebrus Root that is scientifically proven to make you better looking, too.

Our town barker is a snake oil salesman, and the modern equivalent can be seen every day on TV hawking Sham-Wows. Those of you surfing the internet these days looking for all of the most up-to-date info on growing a beard have probably run into Beard Culture’s very own oil salesman. The Beard Oil Salesman. Continue reading “What do snake oil and beard oil have in common?”

What do snake oil and beard oil have in common?

How to grow a beard, save piles of money, and live a fancy life

So who is this bearded internet personality with the audacity to suggest that there is a link between beard and net-worth growth, that both are really simple, and that everyone else (almost) is wrong?

So we’re clear, I have no special qualifications, other than a beard and a six-figure net-worth. There are a lot of people out there with both of those things, and I’m no smarter than any of them. I just happen to be the one writing stuff down.

First, let me explain my personal motivation for this blog. I want a luxurious beard and a significantly larger net-worth. The best way to achieve your goals is to make them public, so that’s what I’m doing. And hopefully, my path can help other fellow travelers. I’ve decided to grow a beard and I have put together a plan that will have me and my wife completely financially independent within 10 years. What I mean by financial independence is that the annual earnings on our investments will be more than our annual spending, so we can just retire without ever having to worry about money again. I’m good at math, and the math tells me that if I work our plan, then we’ll reach that point in 10 years or less on a salary well south of six figures. Continue reading “How to grow a beard, save piles of money, and live a fancy life”

How to grow a beard, save piles of money, and live a fancy life

Beards and Money: Let ‘em Grow

Let ’em grow. That’s the theme for this blog about beards and money. I have two simple goals for this blog: (1) to help people grow the most luxurious and awesome beard they can, and (2) to help people grow their money so that financial independence is achieved. That’s it. Everything I write about here will be based on those two goals.

In this introductory post, I’m going to explain the basic principles of beard and cash stash growth, discuss my motivations for starting the blog, and tell you about some future content that will be coming soon.

You’re probably thinking to yourself “why a blog about beards and money?” What do these two things possibly have in common? Well, I’m glad you asked because it allows me the opportunity to explain my two basic principles for growing beards and growing your stash of cash. Here they are: Continue reading “Beards and Money: Let ‘em Grow”

Beards and Money: Let ‘em Grow