Should I max out my contributions to pre-tax retirement plans? Even if I want to retire early?

You have decided that you will grow a terminal beard because you want to be a supreme bad-ass. At the same time, you realize that every dollar you are able to save acts as a bad-ass multiplier, pushing you into the realm of the most bad-ass bearders of the world. You plan to multiply your bad-assness so much, that you realize that it would be very easy for you to retire in 10 years, by around your 45th birthday.

What if someone came by and told you that you could chop a couple of years off of your early retirement plan without having to save or earn one extra penny? By taking advantage of this one little idea, you could set your wealth generation on autopilot and protect your financial plan from that most devious foe: yourself. You could also stick it to the man by ensuring that you pay almost no taxes now, and even less when you retire. Sound good? If so, then all you have to do is pile every cent that you can into maxing out every pre-tax retirement vehicle you have available to you. Continue reading “Should I max out my contributions to pre-tax retirement plans? Even if I want to retire early?”

Should I max out my contributions to pre-tax retirement plans? Even if I want to retire early?

A mathematical model for beard growth and awesomeness

It’s a general rule that the longer you grow your beard, the more awesome you become. Does beard growth really lead to increased awesomeness? As a scientist by training, it is my scientific duty to poke and prod at so-called “rules of thumb” to ascertain the true reality. Do beards really grow half an inch per month? Do you actually get more awesome? How much more awesome do you get? Today, I’m going to present to you a mathematical model for beard growth and its correlation with personal awesomeness. This is some pretty serious stuff. Furthermore, since this is Beards & Money, I’m going to show you the parallels to net-worth growth and feelings of awesomeness. Continue reading “A mathematical model for beard growth and awesomeness”

A mathematical model for beard growth and awesomeness

How to pay off $50,345 in student loans in under 2 years

You might want a glorious beard, but those pesky student loans have you so depressed that not a single hair will grow. I get it. There is a debt crisis about to blow up in this country, and it is chiefly because of student loans. More and more students are graduating and finding extreme difficulty getting a job in the field they studied. Now, they have to start paying back monster student loans that paid for a degree that, in most cases, wasn’t even necessary for the job they did manage to get.

I personally now have slightly less than $50,000 in outstanding student loan debt. Dude! I’m getting closer and closer to 40, and I still owe a pile of money the the U.S. Department of Education. What’s worse is I’ve only managed to pay off about $10,000 over the past ten years. That’s pretty depressing. I have been making the absolute bare minimum payments since I finished my many degrees, and the balance comes down VERY slowly. Today, I’m going to tell you about how I got that debt (short version: very stupidly) and what I plan to do about it. Through the power of beard magic, we’re going to slay that dragon in under 2 years. Continue reading “How to pay off $50,345 in student loans in under 2 years”

How to pay off $50,345 in student loans in under 2 years

The Beginning: Beard and Net Worth, Month 1

I have been inspired by J. Money at Budgets are Sexy to post my net worth for the whole world to see (which means the three other people who have ever read this blog up until now.) He has a great post detailing the rise in his net worth over the past 8 years. He’s tracked his net worth publicly every month since his very first post on the subject in 2008.

Now, since this is Beards and Money, I can’t stop at net worth. Gotta show you the beard, too. So in this post I’m going to lay everything out. What assets we have, what debt we’re carrying, and our net-worth goals. Then, I’ll show you the beard as it sits today. It’s a little frizzy right now from the cold, dry Prague air and a serious lack of conditioning from our inability to learn the Czech word for conditioner.

We’re starting from a pretty good place, with a much higher net worth than the average couple our age. That would be great, except for the fact that the average net worth of people our age is abysmal. So it’s a low bar. I’m also starting pretty far into beardom. I’ve had some form of beard or goatee for the past 20 years, but I have only recently started on the “yeard” journey. There is still much time to go.
Continue reading “The Beginning: Beard and Net Worth, Month 1”

The Beginning: Beard and Net Worth, Month 1

What do snake oil and beard oil have in common?

A wooden cart rolls into town, and a man with a very fancy hat and curly mustache hops out in the middle of the town square. He has a product you don’t want to miss. Do you suffer from aches and pains after a hard day of work? Back aches? Does your tooth hurt? Whatever your ailment, Doc Serpent’s Patented All-Relief Ointment will alleviate your pain and cure your headaches. It’s a special formula discovered by an ancient Shaman made from Cerebrus Root that is scientifically proven to make you better looking, too.

Our town barker is a snake oil salesman, and the modern equivalent can be seen every day on TV hawking Sham-Wows. Those of you surfing the internet these days looking for all of the most up-to-date info on growing a beard have probably run into Beard Culture’s very own oil salesman. The Beard Oil Salesman. Continue reading “What do snake oil and beard oil have in common?”

What do snake oil and beard oil have in common?

How to grow a beard, save piles of money, and live a fancy life

So who is this bearded internet personality with the audacity to suggest that there is a link between beard and net-worth growth, that both are really simple, and that everyone else (almost) is wrong?

So we’re clear, I have no special qualifications, other than a beard and a six-figure net-worth. There are a lot of people out there with both of those things, and I’m no smarter than any of them. I just happen to be the one writing stuff down.

First, let me explain my personal motivation for this blog. I want a luxurious beard and a significantly larger net-worth. The best way to achieve your goals is to make them public, so that’s what I’m doing. And hopefully, my path can help other fellow travelers. I’ve decided to grow a beard and I have put together a plan that will have me and my wife completely financially independent within 10 years. What I mean by financial independence is that the annual earnings on our investments will be more than our annual spending, so we can just retire without ever having to worry about money again. I’m good at math, and the math tells me that if I work our plan, then we’ll reach that point in 10 years or less on a salary well south of six figures. Continue reading “How to grow a beard, save piles of money, and live a fancy life”

How to grow a beard, save piles of money, and live a fancy life

Beards and Money: Let ‘em Grow

Let ’em grow. That’s the theme for this blog about beards and money. I have two simple goals for this blog: (1) to help people grow the most luxurious and awesome beard they can, and (2) to help people grow their money so that financial independence is achieved. That’s it. Everything I write about here will be based on those two goals.

In this introductory post, I’m going to explain the basic principles of beard and cash stash growth, discuss my motivations for starting the blog, and tell you about some future content that will be coming soon.

You’re probably thinking to yourself “why a blog about beards and money?” What do these two things possibly have in common? Well, I’m glad you asked because it allows me the opportunity to explain my two basic principles for growing beards and growing your stash of cash. Here they are: Continue reading “Beards and Money: Let ‘em Grow”

Beards and Money: Let ‘em Grow